Category Archives: lifestyle

A Toy can be a Joy- 10 tips to guide parents when buying toys

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By Umm Ammarah

Every year parents spend billions on toys and gadgets and manufacturers spend millions on marketing it. Whether it is in the tens, twenties, hundreds or thousands that we spend on toys as Muslims, it is an amanat (trust) on how we spend our wealth. We will be accountable to Allah Ta’ala for how we have earned and spent it. We always want the best for our children. We want them to have fun and learn at the same time. Toys are not only getting more expensive but also more sophisticated. Sadly today many toys have become an improved means to an unimproved end.

Remember children learn from play not toys. So a child will often have just as much fun playing with empty boxes as a playhouse than they will from an expensive doll house. There is no guarantee that playing with latest electronic gadgets are more superior to playing with marbles, balls, skipping ropes or tops. In fact the opposite may be true. The actual skills obtained from so called “ancient toys” maybe far superior and beneficial then ipads, playstions and its likes.

Adults as well as children are bombarded daily with information from advertisements, friends, billboards, cartoons etc to feed our desires and needs. Often our purchases are to satisfy our desires rather than our actual needs. That is why so much of effort is put into the packaging and marketing. Both adults and children are the victims. A classic example is the children meal menu which includes a “free toy”.

As parents we have a huge responsibility to procure the best for our children in this world and the Hereafter. The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “The two feet of the son of Adam will not move from near his Lord on the Day of Judgement until he is asked about five (matters) concerning his life – how he spent it; about his youth – how he took care of it; about his wealth – how he earned it; and where he spent it and about that which he acted upon from the knowledge he acquired.” (Hadith-Tirmidh)

Remember buy wisely not on impulsively. Toys should always be useful, practical , educational and most of all enjoyable. Here are some tips which to aid us when buying toys:

10 TIPS WHEN BUYING TOYS:

1. DISCUSS: Always make mashwera(consultation- discuss with spouse and children) and istikharah(seeking Allah’s Guidance), this will help us to purchase wisely and not impulsively. If we teach our children to discuss and pray before making any decision, they will always do this when they grow up.

2. TOYS 4 KIDS: The toys are meant for your children and not for you. Don’t buy toys that caught the fancy of the child in you. Mum and Dad you have had your turn!

3. DON’T “BUY” LOVE: Every parents needs to earn the love of their children and not “buy” it. Don’t buy their love by buying expensive toys. If you walk that road you will be on a rollercoaster of no return. I’ve seen children have just so much fun with tubs and cartons as with expensive playstations.

4. DON’T COMPETE: Don’t buy to impress cousins, friends and neighbours. Don’t get into a toy buying competition with the Joneses or should we say the Moosa’s, there are NO winners. The Moosa’s got a new toy but then the Syed’s got a bigger one. In response the Khan’s got the latest and the cycle continues. This kind of competition for material things is a typical example of material enslavement. Resist the urge to keep up with the Moosa’s or anyone else for that matter. If the pressure is too intense, consider widening your circle of friends to those who don’t base their relationship with you on how much money you make, how many cars you have or what’s your latest purchases for your spouse and children.

5. AVOID CREDIT: Buy what you can afford. Don’t buy things you don’t need with money you don’t have to impress people you don’t like. Remember, if you buy on credit, you will have to deal with the stress of paying off this bill before the interest kicks in. If you don’t, the original price will keep increasing. Not only is this a headache but taking and paying interest is Haram(prohibited) in Islam.

6. NO ENTRY ZONE: Avoid buying battery toys…unless you have a year’s supply of batteries or rechargeable batteries. Avoid buying noisy, unislamic and environmentally unfriendly toys. Don’t buy toys that encourage violence and immodesty. Be alert of what messages we are sending to our innocent children regarding modesty, violence etc. Remember modesty is part of faith.

7. BE CAUTIOUS: Don’t buy toys with small detachable parts for younger children. They could choke on it. Always read packaging carefully. Check for back-up service and guarantees. Always keep your purchases slip in the event you need to return or replace the toy.

8. MODERATION: Limit the amount of toys your children have in circulation. They tend to tire of toys quickly. Keep some toys away in a box and let children make an exchange with you once a week instead of buying all the time, this way they won’t get bored. Give away some toys regularly; some poor children will enjoy them. This will teach our children to share and care.

9. ORGANISE: Don’t allow your children to mess your whole house by letting toys lie everywhere. Teach them to pack away. Keep toys in toy boxes it makes managing easier.

10. BE WISE: Think, research and compare before you buy. Don’t buy toys that will harm their Hereafter for a little fun in the world. Let not today’s joy be tomorrows sorrow. Think and be wise before you buy!

There are cheap and economical ways that children can learn, play and have loads of fun.

· Climbing trees and playing outdoors

· Crayons ,paint and paper

· Building blocks, threading and stacking

· Empty boxes, sheets and pegs for houses, tents or garages

· Colour paper for mosaics, fans, paper boats, jets, lanterns etc.

· Good books to read

· Gardening and planting

· Sand , shells and buttons

· Ball and bat games

· Plastic sheets and cardboards can be used for “slip & slide”

· Skipping ropes and hoops

· Empty cartons, tubs and mats for exciting picnics

· Kites,tops, marbles etc

We cannot always satisfy our children desires. The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, “If the son of Adam had a valley of gold, he would want two valleys…” (Hadith-Bukhari)Children can be very demanding and it is often very difficult not to give into the crying of a toddler, whining of a tween or the sulking of a teenager. We need to be strong and nurture them. That is why Allah Ta’ala put us in the position of shepherds to guide them.

Everyone of us have good and evil traits that influence us. It is like two wolves within us. The good wolf and the bad wolf that are fighting for power and control. Which wolf will be victorious? Obviously the one we feed! So if we keep on feeding the bad wolf (the nafs) with all the wants and desires, it will grow and become stronger and the good wolf will weaken. We have to always be alert on the decisions and choices we make for our children. This will provide them with the essential tools of life. They will learn to make more constructive and productive choices as they journey through life.

Remember we are not in this world forever. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) advised us to live like travellers who are focused on our destination, and keep very few things that will load us down. Our ultimate destination as Muslims is Jannah (Paradise). We need to keep our eyes focused there!

The words of the Almighty Allah, “Know that the life of this world is merely a game and a diversion and ostentation and a cause of boasting among yourselves and trying to outdo one another in wealth and children: like the plant-growth after rain which delights the cultivators, but then it withers and you see it turning yellow, and then it becomes broken stubble. In the Next World there is terrible punishment but also forgiveness from Allah and His good pleasure. The life of this world is nothing but the enjoyment of delusion.” (Quran-57:20)

May Allah Ta’ala guide us in always making the right decisions for our children. Remember to purchase wisely and Insha Allah a toy will always be a joy….

Maraisburg masjid Golf day – 85 year old’s Goolam Richard’s Hole-In-One

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The name of Goolam Richard’s will always be remembered at the GoldFields West Golf Club when his name goes up on the wall of fame for holes-in-one. Affectionately known as “Uncle Gooly”, Richards has been playing golf for +- 60 years, starting as a young man during the apartheid days at Huddle Park Golf course in the East Rand.

Uncle Gooly recalls how he struggled during the old days having to wait for all the white players to finish before he could Tee-off, stopping to have his half way meal that he jokingly refers to as the “Brown Cow” ( a mixture of Coke and Milk). Uncle Gooly smiles when he recalls how he played with Gary Player and Vijay Singh when he managed the Lenasia Country Club.

Playing off a 17 handicap in the Maraisburg Masjid Fundraising Golf Day on Sunday 22 April 2012 , Uncle Gooly took out his 7 wood and hit the perfect Tee shot as his playing partners cheered the ball into the hole. Spontaneous celebrations rang around the course as Uncle Gooly is lifted into the air to celebrate this remarkable achievement.

Uncle Gooly was greeted by a standing ovation and much admiration as he walked up to collect his prize during the Gala Lunch. The Maraisburg Masjid Golf day is an annual event held to raise funds for the maintenance and day to day costs of the Masjid. Attracting players young and old, the tournament was hailed by all as a huge success, mainly due to the warm hospitality, delicious food and sense of community and friendship.

Moulana Tohier Kara, the event organiser, has praised the generosity of players, the tournament sponsors, and the members of the Maraisburg community for rallying together for this worthy cause. “ We are humbled by the willingness of our sponsors to donate to this event, and we are hoping that more sponsors come forward for next year’s Golf day” say’s Moulana Kara.

The spectacular hole-in-one, perfectly executed by the oldest golfer in the community, Uncle Goolam “Gooly” Richards will always be remembered by all present at the Maraisburg Masjid Fundraising Golf Day.

Why do children need mothers and fathers?- by Moulana Dawood Samson

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Littered with lighthearted anecdotes from his experiences in the Western Cape where he is based, and switching fluidly between english and afrikaans,  Moulana Dawood Samson gives  an excellent lecture on why children need mothers and fathers.

Moulana talks about issues of homosexuality and  same sex marriages and gives an Islamic perspective, quoting Quraan and Hadith.

Download the lecture :

[download id=”140″]

 

Brothers and sisters are requested to donate towards the upkeep of the Masjid. Contact us via our contact form to find out how.

 

The Fiqh of Facebook

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The Fiqh of Facebook

http://www.SuhaibWebb.com – Islam and the Internet Series: Intro | Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI

By Sohaib Saeed

Online pursuits are consuming an increasing amount of time of young people, and no less the Muslims. Those among the 500 million global users of Facebook (FB) know how it functions as a platform for many of these activities (such as news, entertainment, correspondence, campaigning, da`wah), going far beyond its description of a social networking site.

As an avid Facebook user of a few years, I have tasted its fruits but also experienced the sickness of excess and felt the danger of getting lost among the trees. Whenever Muslims are faced with a new environment, they enter it carrying their principles with them. We also need a sound understanding (fiqh) of the realities of this environment and how to handle some of its specifics.

If I dwell here on the potential and actual problems with Muslims’ use of Facebook, that is not to de-emphasize the great things that can be done with it. I say this just a week after a dictator fell from power in Egypt, with social media playing its role.

Fittingly, the genesis of this article was a series of short FB statuses I posted over 2010, each of which generated interesting discussion from friends, family, colleagues, acquaintances and contacts (all of whom are designated by FB as “Friends”). Here, I shall address a few of the most crucial aspects for the conscious user to consider, with a few quotes from the original “Facebook Fiqh” series.

A Question of Time

If time is life, then Facebook is many people’s favorite weapon of suicide. We struggle to find time to seek beneficial knowledge, yet trivial comments about trivial matters get more than their fair share. Someone remarked on Imam Suhaib Webb’s FB “wall” that we check out people’s latest FB updates more frequently than we check our Qur’an to take benefits from its verses. That remark inspired the following status update:

Sohaib Saeed wants a “Like” button in his mus-haf (written text of the Qu’ran) next to each ayah. “Like OMG that’s so true!” ;)

In a recent discussion with some students of Islamic sciences, we wondered aloud how the great scholars of the past managed to be so prolific in their writings, and how they managed to utilize every moment of their – often quite short – lives. Someone raised the point that nowadays we do indeed manage to write a lot, but it is mostly spent on trivial discussions and debates. The angels are writing down all the useless things we say in our days and nights. What do you think if you gathered all the comments (other than social niceties) that you have left on Facebook and other such forums? For many of us, it would add up to at least a small book.

The technological aspects of Facebook, particularly with its ever-updating interface, can have an intoxicating effect. It is built upon the principle of maximal stimulation of the eyes and brain; it is not far from the imagination to compare it with hypnosis. All this has a long-term effect on the mind and on the spiritual heart. This is why our attitude to such time-consuming activities is to use them for a purpose (even if that purpose be recreation), and not allowing it to eat into time better spent on other things. For some, this may mean taking conscious note of how often they open the page, and how long is spent on each visit.

What are the signs of excess? Specialists in addiction can list a few, but let me point out one thing that I believe is frighteningly common. I noticed once that when Twitter went down for a few hours then resumed, someone commented on the experience, writing: “When Twitter went down, all I wanted to do was tweet about it!” Ridiculous, yet I would suggest that it is quite representative of a common urge to use these media as a natural outlet for all our thoughts, desires and emotions. As I once wrote:

“We express our thoughts in the form of a status update instead of turning to Allah with our fears and joys. The day of a believer should be a constant conversation with God.”

Is this constant babble not a blatant distraction from the remembrance of Allah? Yes, even when we are reading and forwarding religious content, if we do so with hearts unaware. To quote from Shaykh Abdallah Adhami’s FB comment: “By all means: share, post, sms, blog, im, email, tweet… (though most importantly, internalize)”. This is the point! If you read a supplication with your eyes, it is no use if your tongue remains dry and your heart remains silent. Is reading a du`a’ (supplication) anything like making du`a’? Many times, we write such things robotically in the same way we type “LOL” with a completely straight face. I won’t go so far as to call it lying, but it certainly is bizarre when you ponder on it!

Clicking “Like” is not a sign of commitment any more than saying “I love Allah.” The Prophet ﷺ (peace be upon him) was commanded to say, “If you should love Allah, then follow me, [so] Allah will love you and forgive you your sins. And Allah is Forgiving and Merciful” (Qur’an 3:31). Our Islam is built on actions, not mere declarations.

Public and Private

Let’s be in no doubt that FB is a public space, though certain aspects (messaging) allow one-to-one communication. Even things you post on your own wall will come up on your friends’ homepages. Therefore, rather than merely decorating your home awaiting their arrival, you are actually dropping in on them every time you post something.

“If Facebook is like a public street, doesn’t it have rights? The first is lowering the gaze: not just from unseemly images, but from everything that doesn’t concern you. Think about it as hundreds of conversations are presented before you.”

The above FB Fiqh advice was based on a hadith (report concerning the Prophet ﷺ) reported in Sahih Muslim, in which Allah’s Messenger ﷺ questioned some people sitting in the road and instructed them to avoid doing so.  When these Companions explained their purpose, the Prophet ﷺ said: “If you must sit, then fulfill the rights of the road: lower your gaze, respond to greetings and talk in a good manner.”

Not only does Facebook make it all too easy to look at pictures of members of the opposite sex and personal details we have no business knowing, but it makes it tempting to pore through threads of comments that at best, are a complete waste our time, and at worst, involve a level of prying. Just as we take responsibility for what we post, we should also be ethical in what we access. Ask yourself: if that group of friends were chatting amongstthemselves, would I feel right standing nearby and listening in?

Many of the problems with people’s Facebook usage stem from the confusion between public and private spaces. Consider a few such cases:

1. Saying aloud what ought to have been silent, or sharing with everyone what belongs to a certain group.

Such a public forum is not the ideal place for potentially confusing ideas – such as controversial questions of theology – to be shared, as people without the relevant background knowledge may get the wrong idea.

Moreover, Facebook is not the place to develop your thoughts, wondering aloud with things that could cause others to doubt. If you have a question, direct it to someone who knows. If you’re working on an idea, try keeping a private journal.

Most importantly, beware of spreading unsubstantiated rumors. If in doubt, clarify and make certain of the reality, as the Qur’an (49:6) instructs. The following is also a thinking point:

The Prophet ﷺ said: “It is enough of a lie for a person to narrate everything he hears.” (Sahih Muslim) So how about one who narrates every fleeting thought he hears from his self?

In short: before posting anything, ask yourself “Why?” – is it something that will be of interest or benefit to those who will read it?

2. Doing things shamelessly in front of respected people and near-strangers.

Examples of this include using bad language, or writing flirtatious things in plain sight of people who could make hasty – possibly unfair – judgments. Perhaps someone would suggest that writing on the FB wall of someone of the opposite gender is more appropriate than a private message, but that is only true if the public nature of the communication does not become an excuse for a lack of etiquette.

People are clicking “Like” for the craziest things, associating themselves sometimes with immoral and unethical people and ideas, and promoting this on the newsfeeds of all their friends. It would be wise to slow down and think, if only for the following reason:

Be careful whom you love and “Like” – do you want them by your side on Judgment Day? The Prophet ﷺ said: “You are with whomever you love.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

READ MORE about this article by SuhaibWebb.com  HERE….

Weekly Jamiat JHB Message

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Update on Muslim Marriages Bill
A PUBLIC STATEMENT
(For Immediate Release)

The Muslim Marriages Bill has been released once again for public comment. The Bill has been modified by the Department of Justice and Constitutional Development. Some of the changes and provisions of the Bill are in conflict with Islamic Law.

The Jamiatul Ulama South Africa, together with members of the legal fraternity is in the process of formulating a detailed submission to the Department of Justice and Constitutional Development with a view to correct provisions of the Bill that are un-Islamic.

We do not believe that adopting a stance of total rejection of the Bill at this stage is the best course of action, nor is it in the interest of the Muslim community of South Africa. We will instead continue to engage with the relevant authorities to effect the necessary changes.

We believe that appropriate Shariah – compliant legislation on Muslim marriages and their consequences will be beneficial for the overall preservation and protection of Muslim Personal Law within our secular constitutional democracy.

However, if we are unsuccessful in our endeavours we will accordingly inform the Muslim public. Our commitment to the general welfare of the Muslims in South Africa obliges us to choose the more difficult path of engagement.

Any interested party may make submissions to the Department of Justice and Constitutional development before the 15 March 2011.

Should you require any help in making a submission kindly contact our Offices.

Your submissions should be directed to:

Mr T N Matibe
Private Bag X81
Pretoria 0001
Fax: 086 648 7766
Email: TMatibe@justice.gov.za)
Kindly cc a copy of your submissions to: jamiat@islamsa.org.za

(Orinally Issued on: 7 February 2011)

My Mother, My best Friend

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My Mother, My Best Friend

by Muhammad Alshareef

Aseer ibn Jaabir narrates: Whenever people would come from Yemen, Umar would ask them, “Is Uways Al-Qaranee amongst you?” until, one year, he met Uways. He said, “Are you Uways Al-Qaranee?”

He said, “Yes.”

Umar continued, “From Muraad, then Qaran?”

He said, “Yes.”

Umar then asked, “Were you once afflicted with leprosy and your skin healed except for a dirham’s area?”

Uways said, “Yes.”

Umar finally asked, “Do you have a mother (that is alive)?”

He said, “Yes.”

Umar then said, “I heard the Messenger of Allah sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam say, ‘Uways ibn Aamir will come to you with the delegations from Yemen, from Muraad, then from Qaran. He was once afflicted with leprosy and his skin healed except for a dirham’s area. He has a mother, and he treats her kindly. If he was to ever swear by Allah (for something) Allah would fulfill his oath. If you can, request that he ask forgiveness for you.” Umar then requested from Uways, “Ask forgiveness for me.” And Uways Al-Qaranee did.

Allah ta’aala commanded us in the Qur’an:

And your Lord decreed that you should worship none but Him and that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both attain old age in your life, then do not say to them ‘uff’ (a word of disrespect), nor shout at them, rather address them in terms of honor / And lower for them the wing of submission and humility through mercy. And say, ‘My Lord! Grant them Your mercy as they brought me up when I was small’ (Al Isra’ 17/23-24).

Ad-Daylami collected from Al-Husayn ibn Ali, that the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam said:

“If Allah knew any smaller than ‘uff’ (tsk) to be disespectful to parents, He would have decreed it to be haram!”

A man came to the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam seeking permission to go for jihaad. The Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam asked him, “Are your parents alive?”

He said, “Yes.”

He – sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam – said, “Perform jihaad (in you kind treatment) of them” (Bukhari).

If someone came to you today and offered you a free lunch, no doubt your response would be to smile, speak kindly to them, and reserve a special place in your heart for their memory. Why is it then that our parents receive only cold stares, harsh words and bitter treatment and they are who they are in our lives? For twenty or thirty years they fed us, clothed us, washed us, and showered their mercy on our soft skin. Their love for us never dies even if we do; it is a love that goes even beyond us, to our children and even our children’s children.

Dear brothers and sisters, we all have parents, whether they are with us or not, and many have not understood the severity of their position in our lives and their right to be respected and revered. Today I want to remind you and I of the true position of our parents, may Allah have mercy on them all.

Birr al-waalidayn is a characteristic of the mu’min. Al-Hasan Al-Basree defined it saying, “Al-birr is to obey the parents in everything that they ask so long as it is not to disobey Allah. Uqooq is to disown your parents, denying them all of your goodness.”

By the ijama’ of the ‘ulama, being respectful and obedient to one’s parents is fard. Ibn Hazm said, “(Obeying ones parents) is Fard!” and he quoted the verse:

And your Lord decreed that you should worship none but Him and that you be dutiful to your parents.

To better understand what is meant by birr al-walidayn (kindness to parents), the scholars set the following conditions for one to follow:

One: He should place the pleasure of his parents above the pleasure of anyone else, including himself and his wife and kids – everyone. Two: He should obey them in everything they command or forbid, whether it agrees with his desires or not, so long as they do not command the disobedience of Allah.

Three: He should present them with everything he feels they desire, whether they ask for it or not. He should present it with kindness and mercy, understanding that no matter what he does he will always have some shortcomings in fulfilling the true kindness that his parents deserve.

Allah’s love comes when our parents love us. And Allah’s anger comes when our parents are angry with us. Ibn Abbas radi Allahu anhu said, “There are three things that will not be accepted if its mate is not fulfilled.” And he mentioned,

Thank Me (Allah) and your parents…(Luqman 31/14)

Ibn Abbaas continued, “Thus whoever thanks Allah and is not thankful to his parents, Allah will not accept from him.”

The Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam said:

“The pleasure of Allah is from the pleasure of the parents, and the anger of Allah is from the anger of the parents.”

Let us think about how many of us treat our parents. We shy away from them when they may need something. We never visit if we are away from them. In fact, many people dispose of their parents in retirement homes. And when an argument ignites between our parents and us, many of us shout at them as if we were arguing with our evilest enemy. May Allah protect us all.

Compare this to those that came before us. Dhibyaan ibn Ali At-Thowree radi Allahu anhu used to travel with his mother to Makkah. There, in the scorching heat, he would dig a little pool and fill it with cool water. Then he would turn to his mother and say, “Ummi, sit in this water to cool yourself.”

For many of us, our friends are more precious to us than our mother and father. Forgetful we are of the time a man came to the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam and asked him who is more worthy of his dear companionship. He – sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam – said, “Your mother!” The man asked again and again, and the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam replied, “Your mother! Your mother!” Until on the fourth time he – sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam – said, “Your father.”

Today, when the common question is asked, “Who is your best friend?” How many people would say, “My mother!” But this is how the question should be answered and implemented.

What pleases our parents comes before everything, so long as it is not in disobedience of Allah. The scholars understood this and set the example for us. Haywah bin Shurayh radi Allahu anhu, one of the imam’s of our ummah, used to give classes in front of his home. During the class, his mother would call him to feed the chickens. He would stand up, leave the halaqa, and go feed the chickens. We all want Allah to accept from us; we would all like to enter Paradise. Look down dear brothers and sisters, and you will find paradise at the feet of your mother.

Narrated Ahmad and An-Nasaa’ee, from Mu’aawiyah ibn Jaahimah As-Sulamee: My father, Jaahimah radi Allahu anhu went to the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam and asked, “O Messenger of Allah, I would like to go out and fight for the sake of Allah, and I have come to you for advice.”

The Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam asked him, “Is your mother alive?”

He said, “Yes.”

“Then stay near her,” advised the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam, “For at her feet is Jannah!”

On the other side, making our parents sad or even making them cry is one of the many ways to earn Allah’s anger. Imam Ahmad narrates, from Abdullah ibn ‘Amr ibn Al-Aas radi Alllahu anhu: A man came to the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam to give him his pledge of allegiance. He said, “I have come to pledge allegiance to you for hijrah and I have left both my parents behind crying.”

The Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam commanded him, “Go back, and the same way that you made them cry, make them laugh.”

Ibn Umar radi Allahu anhu said, “Making ones parents cry is amongst the uqooq, a major sin!”

Shaykh al-Qaasim once said, “Subhan Allah! How can we leave our parents sobbing, tears that the throne of Allah shakes for, tears that unsettle the angels in the heavens, and then we claim that we want to go for jihaad so that Allah will be pleased with us? Go back and make them happy with your visit as you made them sad by your departure. If they laugh and are pleased with you, Allah will be pleased.”

During the funeral of his mother, Al-Haarith Al-Aklee radi Allahu anhu weeped. When asked for the reason of his tears he said, “Why should I not cry when one of my doors to Paradise has now closed?”

PART II

We reap what we plant. In a far away land, a long time ago, a boy was born blind. His widowed mother, the good Muslimah that she was, did not lose hope in her du’a and pray she did, continuously. A few years later, the boy’s sight returned, alhamdulillah. Soon after she realized that her village was not befitting for her son to excel in Islamic education, so with her son in hand they migrated to Makkah. There she saw that he was being instructed in Qur’an and Hadith, the latter becoming the young man’s focus. He went out far and wide collecting Hadith and compiled a Hadith book that sits next to the Qur’an in authenticity forgetting not his mother who had raised him well. His mother named him Muhammad ibn Isma’il, and many of us know him today as Al-Imam Al-Bukhari!

Dear brothers and sisters, how often is it that a farmer plants wheat and it comes out as a sunflower? You may say, never! For how can someone farm the seed of one plant and expect some other plant to grow. It just does not happen. Similarly, some parents leave their children waddling in the mud of television, music, movies, and disbelieving friends. Then, when the child reaches grade 12 and asks to go to the prom with his girlfriend, or when he enters university and stops praying, or when he gets married to a kafir and himself becomes one, then the parents say, “What happened?”

Brothers and sisters, it is the harvest of what we planted. If we do not raise our children to be obedient, where do we expect them to learn? If we do not practice Islam ourselves, who will be our children’s example? How do you teach a child to wake up for Fajr, when he sees his own father and mother sleeping in, day after day? You may ask: how do I raise my children to be good Muslims, obedient to their parents? Consider the following:

Firstly: One should discipline their children throughout their youth. Hisham ibn Abd Al-Malik missed a son of his during Jumah one week. When he met him later, he asked him, “Why did you miss Jumah?”

His son replied, “My donkey couldn’t make the trip.”

His father then said, “Couldn’t you have walked!” For an entire year after that, Hisham ibn Abd Al-Malik made his son walk to Jumah.

Secondly: The piety of the father and mother reaches the children. In the Qur’an, Allah recalls for us the story of Khidr, and how he rebuilt a wall for 2 orphans.

And as for the wall, it belonged to two orphan boys in the town. Under it was a treasure belonging to them and their father was a righteous man…(Al Kahf 18/82)

Look at how Allah protected these orphans because of the piety of their father. In tafseer, it is said that it was in fact because of the piety of their grandfather seven generations back! Sa’eed ibn Jubayr said, “I often lengthen my salah for the sake of my son; perhaps Allah may protect him (because of it).”

In conclusion, let us reflect on the virtue of respecting our parents:

It is one of the greatest things that we can do. In Bukhari and Muslim, from Abdullah ibn Mas’ood radi Allahu anhu, a man asked the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam, “What deed is most beloved by Allah?”

He – sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam – said, “Salah on time.”

The man asked, “And then?”

He – sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam – said, “Respecting and revering ones parents.”

He asked, “And then?”

“Jihaad for the sake of Allah.”

It is a means by which our sins are forgiven. When Allah commanded in the Qur’an:

And We enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to his parents …

The next verse tells us:

…They are those from whom We shall accept the best of their deeds and overlook their evil deeds. They shall be amongst the dwellers of Paradise…(Al Ahqaf 46/15-16)

Respecting our parents will lead us to Jannah! In Muslim, Abu Hurayrah radi Allahu anhu narrated that he heard the Messenger of Allah sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam say, “May he perish! May he perish! May he perish!”

It was asked, “Who, O Messenger of Allah?”

The Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam said, “He whose parents attain old age in his life – one or both of them – and he does not enter Paradise (because of his goodness towards them).”

And when our parents are gone, the goodness towards them does not end.

Malik ibn Rabi’ah Al-Saa’idi narrated: We were sitting with the Messenger of Allah sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam when an Ansari man came and asked, “O Messenger of Allah, is there anything left from my birr to my parents that I should present to them after their death?”

The Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam said, “Yes, four things: Pray and ask forgiveness for them. Fulfill their pledges. Be kind to their friends. And maintain the ties of kinship that come from only their direction. That is what is left from your birr to them after their death.”

Ahmad, Abu Dawood, and Ibn Maajah reported that Aamir ibn Abd Allah ibn Az-Zubayr radi Allahu anhu said, “My father died, and for an entire year I did not ask Allah for anything except that He forgive my father.”

Remember dear brothers and sisters as you meet your parents today, the words of Rasul Allah sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam, “Fa feehima fa jaahid!” – Do Jihad in (your kind treatment of) your parents.

O Allah, forgive us and our parents, and reward them with the finest reward. O Allah, elevate their position in the hereafter and this dunya; make that which befalls them an expiation for their sins. O Allah, grant them residence in Firdaus, the highest level of Jannah, with the Prophets, the Siddeeqeen, and the Martyrs.

Ameen.

Advice From an Older Brother – Yasir Qadhi

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Advice From an Older Brother
From a lecture given at MIST Nationals 2006 by Abu Ammaar Yasir Qadhi
Friday July 21st, 2006

“I would like to start by congratulating everyone for making it to the First MIST National Conference. You are the participants and are the future of this ummah. I would like to take this opportunity to give everyone some advice as an older brother. I too once was in your place and it doesn’t seem like it was too long ago. The realty is very soon you guys are going to take over the place of your parents and your community leaders very soon. Very soon you are going to move onto college. Very soon you are going to start working, and very soon you are going to get marred. Very soon you will have kids and before you know it you will be an uncle or auntie. God Forbid!

Before I start my actual lecture I would like to tell you a little bit about my self. I grew up in a fairly religious family and my parents were religious or you can say practicing parents. I was the average Muslim kid growing up and knew very little about my religion. It wasn’t until I started attending the University of Houston when I realized how ignorant people actually were about the religion of Islam, and how ignorant I was about my own religion. I attended the University of Houston in the early 90s. It was here when the desire for knowledge increased in me. It was hearing some of these people talk about Islam and misrepresenting it which really made my desire increase. The desire increased in me to start studying my own religion increased again and again. I got very involved in the MSA at the University of Houston, I remember being extremely active. I even did many halaqas there for the MSA.

I remember 15 years ago sitting here in this university listening to my professors giving lectures. It was in t his same university. I actually had a class in this same exact building and I remember it like it was yesterday. I remember some of the classes that I took here. I remember taking these classes and thinking to myself, how is this actually going to benefit me? How is knowing all this stuff about chemical engineering going to benefit me. I remember taking thermodynamics and thinking to myself, how is this ever going to make me a good person, how is this going to change me? I remember the first day of class when my professor walked in for thermodynamics class, and I remember exactly what he said. He said, “By the end of this class you will be able to calculate how long it will take an ice cube to melt in a cup of coffee!” I thought about it and said to myself, “SO WHAT??” How does knowing how long it takes an ice cube to melt in a cup of coffee this make me a good person? I had this desire to learn about my religion and went through college with this desire and graduated with a bachelor’s in Chemical Engineering.

I even worked at DOW Chemicals for a year, which is the 2nd largest chemical company in the USA. BASF is the largest. I was assigned a project which many people before me couldn’t do and left the project without completing it. I was assigned to finish stage 1. I, alhamadulillah, managed to get to stage 3 within 3 months and was in the process of finishing it. My boss told me you are going to go places. Money was just pouring in and I could go into a store and actually pick what I wanted to get and there was nothing that was holding me back. For the first time in my life I was able to buy what I want with my own money, without worrying about anything.

All this was not something that really satisfied me. I felt incomplete, and wanted more. I still had the desire to study my own religion. So after doing some research into the Islamic Universities, I decided to go to the University of Medina and they accepted me. I spent 10 years at the University of Medina. I did my Bachelor’s in Hadeeth and my Master’s in Theology or Aqeedah from the college of Da’wah. And currently I am doing my Ph.D. at Yale.
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A marriage survival guide

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The First Two Years: A Marriage Survival Guide

More Muslim marriages are breaking up in their first year than ever before, according to Shahina Siddiqui, executive director of the Islamic Social Services Association of the United States and Canada (ISSA).

The first five to seven years are the most challenging of any marriage. They are a time a couple spends getting to know each other better and adjusting to each other’s habits and personalities.

Below are some of the main problems couples face in the early years and some possible solutions.

1. Lack of proper information before marriage

A number of problems are caused simply by the fact that the couple and their families have not discussed crucial issues beforehand. Some of these include:

whether or not the wife will work outside the home
will the couple wait to have children
which city and country the couple will live in after marriage
will they live with his parents or have their own apartment

These and other relevant issues need to be discussed and decided in the beginning stages of the marriage process.

2. Who’s in charge?

One of the biggest problems is the tug-of-war between couples over who is in control in the relationship. This has led to a stalemate in disagreements, as well as bitter feelings.

Many couples today are refusing to compromise within moderation when differences arise.

While from an Islamic perspective, the husband is given the leadership role in the marriage relationship, this does not mean he runs the couple’s family life like a dictatorship.

It must be remembered that Islamically, a leader is one who serves, manages, provides and nourishes. A leader must also have humbleness and humility.

A husband exercises the right kind of leadership by being listening to and consulting (doing Shura) with his wife.

Also, a husband is bound to follow the rules of the Quran and Sunnah. So differences in opinion should be referred back to these sources, instead of becoming a source of tension and problems.

3. The divorce option

Once upon a time, “divorce” was the seven-letter word most Muslim couples avoided using. Today, amongst many Muslim couples in North America, it is one of the first recourses turned to when conflicts occur in marriage.

It should be remembered that out of all of the things Allah has made Halal, divorce is the one He hates the most. Couples need to look at several other alternatives before turning to this drastic measure.

They should seek the help of older, wiser and trustworthy elders who will try to help them resolve their differences. Generally, they need to make a sincere, concerted effort to try to work things out before divorce is seriously considered.

4. Sexual problems

It is unrealistic to expect the issue of sex and sex-related problems to mysteriously disappear once a couple gets married.

In the sex-saturated culture of North America, couples tend to place very high expectations of each other in this area. They also expect instant results.

In reality, it takes time, commitment, disappointment and investment to establish a sexual relationship in marriage which is in tune with the needs of each partner.

It’s important for Muslim couples to walk into marriage with proper information about sex and sexual etiquette from an Islamic perspective. They need to know what is Haram (permissible) and what is Haram (forbidden). They should also keep in mind that spouses must never discuss their sexual relationship with others, unless it is to get help for a specific problem with the right person or authority figure.

On a similar note, it’s important for both the husband and wife to remember that they need to make themselves physically attractive to each other. Too many couples take marriage to mean an excuse to now let themselves go. The couple or one of the partners may gain too much weight, or may not care about hygiene and their looks in general. The reverse should be true: spouses should take the time out for these things and give them even more attention after marriage. Our beloved Prophet has recommended husband and wife both to do that, May Allah’s peace and blessings be upon him.

5. In-laws

The first few years of marriage are not just a period of adjustment for the married couple. It’s one of getting used to in-laws and vice-versa.

Husbands, wives and in-laws need to practice the Islamic rules of social relations with each other. These include: avoiding sarcasm, backbiting, calling each other by offensive nicknames, and making a special effort to respect each other as family members.

As well, comparisons need to be avoided, since every individual and every couple is different. So wives should not be compared to mothers and sisters. Husbands should not be compared to fathers and brothers. In-laws should not be compared to parents, etc.

In addition, there should be regular, healthy contact between spouses and in-laws. This can mean visiting each other at least once or twice a month, or calling if distance makes it difficult to get together.

6. Realism

Boy meets girl. They fall in love. They live happily ever after.

This is the plot of many a Hollywood and Bollywood movie, where everyone is “perfect”. Real life is very different.

Couples may enter marriage with high-flying romantic ideas and expecting their partner to be the ideal human. But all humans have good and bad points. Husbands and wives have to learn to accept each other, warts and all.

6. Making a schedule and establishing rituals

Making a schedule may seem like an end to spontaneity but it’s not.

This allows you to establish your own lifestyle and rituals as a couple. It’s especially important if both the husband and wife are going to school and/or working. In this scenario, a schedule helps in setting time aside for each other during a fast-paced week of work and studies.

Some rituals couples can establish may include:

praying at least one prayer together
attending a study circle together once a week
deciding on a weekly menu
having a pancake breakfast every Saturday morning
setting aside one day on which no work or studying will be done
setting a day when both the husband and wife will clean up the house
setting a time to discuss finances and a budget
making a phone contacting during the day
deciding on a particular day and time once a month at least to visit each other’s parents

By discussing and setting up these rituals, couples learn how to talk to and feel responsible for each other. They also learn to become a team instead of two people living in the same with separate lives.

7. Marriage as a restriction

Muslim men who have grown up in North America may find marriage restricting. After all, before, they could hang out with their buddies and get home by 11:00 p.m. and no one would say a word. After marriage though, they have to be home by 7:00 p.m if not earlier.

While marriage comes with responsibilities and a tighter schedule, the benefits are also there. It takes time and patience to realize that in the end the benefits (i.e. a life partner, kids, etc.) are greater than the restrictions.

8. Friends and Islamic activities

Friends are a joy and a good friend is someone you want to be close to for the rest of your life.

But friends are often the source of many marriage conflicts. Too much time spent with friends, either hanging out or on the phone, means time lost with a husband/wife.

Also, friends, especially if they are of the same age group, may give the wrong advice on marriage, due to their own inexperience in the area.

Some possible solutions to the friends dilemma could be:

working out a “friends time” at least once a week where the husband and the wife meet and/or talk with friends privately
developing friendships with other married couples so spouses can befriend spouses
Islamic activities fall in a similar category. Young Muslim activists may think they can keep attending those three-hour Muslim Students’ Association meetings as they did before marriage. Not so.

Too much focus on outside Islamic activities takes away from spouse time. Give Islamic activities their due but within a balance of everyone’s rights, including those of your spouse.

9. Not keeping secrets

A number of young married couples are notorious for not keeping secrets, especially related to sexual matters, and exposing their spouse’s faults. This is not only unacceptable. It’s unIslamic.

Couples should seek to hide each other’s faults. They should seek advice on marriage problems from a “marriage mentor”, someone who is older, wiser, trustworthy and has the best interests of both parties at heart.

10. Finances

How much should be spent on furniture, the house, food, etc. These are staple issues of any household and can lead to a tug-of-war between husband and wife.

To keep spending in check, husbands and wives need to draft a budget then stick to it. The household will run more efficiently and that’s one less source of conflict in the marriage.

A special note to husbands: in the beginning of marriage, husbands tend to shower their wives with gifts. They do this as an expression of love and because they want to provide for their wives. However, as time passes and they keep giving, they go into debt or experience financial difficulty. As well, wives get used to a certain level of comfort which husbands can no longer afford.

Providing for a wife (and later on, a family) is not just reserved to material things. It includes spending time with her, and treating her with equity and kindness. In fact, most wives would prefer this kind of provision over expensive gifts.

11. Give each other space

A number of couples think being married means always being together and serving each other hand and foot.

Wives may initially take over all household chores, not letting the husband help or even do his own things (i.e. ironing his own clothes). They later regret this as household responsibilities increase and their husbands become dependent on them for the smallest things.

Husbands may think getting married means being with their wives all the time. This later may lead them to becoming irritable and cranky.

The key is to focus on being caring, fond of and accepting each other and giving each other sufficient space. Doing this provides a necessary balance in a relationship which is so close physically and emotionally.

How to make your husband happy

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How to make your Husband happy ?

The following article is a summary of the book “How to Make Your Husband Happy” by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.

1. Beautiful Reception

After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you,

Begin with a good greeting.

Meet him with a cheerful face

Beautify and perfume yourself

Start with good news and delay any bad news until he has rested

Receive him with loving and yearning sentences

Make hard efforts for excellence of the food & having it ready on time.

2. Beautify and Soften the Voice

For your husband only, it shouldn’t be used in front of non-mahram men (men who can marry you if you were unmarried)

3. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification

Take good care of your body and fitness.

Put on nice and attractive clothes and perfumes.

Bathe regularly and, after the monthly period, remove any blood traces or bad smells.

Avoid that your husband observes you in dirty clothes or rough shape

Avoid prohibited types of ornamentation, e.g. tatoos

Use the types of perfumes, colors, and clothes that the husband likes

Change hair style, perfumes, etc. from time to time However with these things you should avoid excessiveness and, of course only act as such in front of mahrem men and women.

4. Intercourse

· Hasten for intercourse when your husband feels compulsion for it.

· Keep your body clean and smelling good as possible including cleaning yourself of released fluids during intercourse.

· Exchange loving phrases with your husband.

· Leave your husband to fully satisfy his desire.

Choose suitable times and good occasions for exciting your husband and encouraging him to do intercourse, e.g. after returning from a travel, weekends, etc.

5. Satisfaction With What Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aalaa) Has Allotted

· You shouldn’t be depressed because your husband is poor or works in a simple job

· You should look at poor, sick, and handicapped people and remember Allah (subhaanahu wa ta’aalaa) for all that was given to you.

You should remember that real wealth lies in faith and piety.

6. Indifference to Worldly Things

· You should not consider this world as your hope and interest.

· You should not ask your husband for many unnecessary things.

· Asceticism does not mean not to enjoy what is good and permissible (Halal), but it means that one should look forward to the Hereafter and utilize whatever Allah SWT gave them to achieve paradise (Al-Jannah).

Encourage your husband to reduce expenses and save some money in order to give charity and feed poor and needy people.

7. Appreciation

· By the saying of the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alaihi wa sallam), the majority of people in Hell were women because they were ungrateful and deny the good done to them.

· The result of being grateful is that your husband will love you more and will do his best to please you in more ways

The result of being ungrateful is that your husband will be disappointed and will start asking himself: “Why should I do good to her, if she never appreciates?”

8. Devotion and Loyalty

· In particular in times of calamities in your husband’s body or business e.g. an accident or a bankruptcy

Supporting him through your own work, money, and properties if needed.

9. Compliance to Him

· In all what he commands you, unless it is prohibited (Haram)

In Islam, the husband is the leader of the family, and the wife is his support and consultant.

10. Pleasing Him If He Is Angry

First off, try to avoid what will guarantee his anger. But if it happens that you can’t, then try to appease him as follows:

· If you were mistaken, then apologize

· If he was mistaken then: Keep still instead of arguing or Yield you right or Wait until he is no longer angry and discuss the matter peacefully with him.

· If he was angry because of external reasons then: Keep silent until his anger goes Find excuses for him, e.g. tired, problems at work, someone insulted him

Do not ask many questions and insist on knowing what happened e.g. 1) You should tell me what happened! 2) I must know what made you so angry! 3) You are hiding something, and I have the right to know!

11. Guardianship While He is Absent

· Protect yourself from any prohibited relations

· Keep the secrets of the family, particularly intercourse and things that the husbands don’t like other people to know.

· Take care of the house and children.

· Take care of his money and properties

· Do not go out of your house without his permission and put on full hijaab

· Refuse people whom he does not like to come over

· Do not allow any non-mahram man to be alone with you in any place

Be good with his parents and relatives in his absence

12. Showing Respect for his Family and Friends

· You should welcome his guests and try to please them, especially his parents.

· You should avoid problems as much as you can with his relatives.

· You should avoid putting him is a position where he had to choose between his mother and his wife

· Show good hospitality for his guests by arranging a nice place for them to sit in, perfection of food, welcoming their wives, etc.

· Encourage him to visit his relatives and invite them to your home

Phone his parents and sisters, send letters to them, buy gifts for them, support them in calamities, etc…

13. Admirable Jealousy

· Jealousy is a sign for wife’s love for her husband but it should be kept within the limits of Islam, e.g. not insulting or backbiting others disrespecting them, etc…

You should not follow or create unfounded doubts.

14. Patience and Emotional Support

· Be patient when you face poverty and strained circumstances.

· When you face calamities and disasters that may happen to you, your husband, his and your children, relatives or properties, e.g. diseases, accidents, death, etc.

· When facing hardships in Da’wah (imprisonment, getting fired, arrested etc.

· Be patient and encourage him to keep on the path of Allah and remind him of Paradise.

When he mistreats you, counteract his ill-treatment by good treatment.

15. Support in Obedience to Allah, Da’wah and Jihad

· Cooperate with your husband and remind him of different obligatory and voluntary worships.

· Encourage him to pray at night.

· Listen and reciting the Qur’aan individually and with your husband.

· Listen to Islamic tapes and songs individually and with your husband.

· Remember Allah subhaanahu wa ta’aalaa, much, particularly after Fajr and before Maghrib.

· Share in arranging Da’wah activities for women and children.

· Learn Islamic rules (ahkaam) and good manners (‘adab) for women.

· Support your husband’s activities by encouraging him, offering wise opinions, soothing his pains, etc.

· Yielding some of your rights and a part of your time with your husband for Da’wah

Encourage him to go for Jihad when needed and remind him that you and children will be in the preservation of Allah, subhaanahu wa ta’aalaa.

16. Good Housekeeping

· Keep it clean, decorated and well arranged

· Change house arrangements from time to time to avoid boredom

· Perfect food (preparation) and prepare healthy foods

· Learn all the necessary skills for managing the house, e.g. sewing

Learn how to raise children properly and in an Islamic way.

17. Preservation of Finances and the Family

· Do not spend from his money, even for charity without his permission unless you are sure that he agrees on this.

· Protect his house, car, etc. while he is absent.

Keep the children in good shape, clean clothes, etc. Take care of their nutrition, health, education, manners, etc. Teach them Islam and tell them the stories of the Prophets and companions.