O, my husband, I married you in the   name of Allah, Most High. I departed from the home of my parents who reared   me with utmost affection and care. In trust they handed me over to you.

Henceforth you   would be my provider, my comforter, my security and my protector. Until I got   married, it was under the feet of my mother where Jannat lay. In the palms of   my father’s Duaas, was the Labayk of Allah, Most High. After marriage, it was   you that Allah Ta’aala chose to be the door to Jannah. Thus, I was determined   to be the most perfect wife any man could hope to have.

O, my husband, even as I celebrate   my good fortune, deep down in my heart I harbour a secret fear which couples   share, so I heard. I trust in Allah that you do not misunderstand me in what   I am about to confide in you. And no, my fears are not a product of my   imagination. It is what I know of other couples whose marriages were ripped   apart by dishonesty, insensitivity and cruelty. Some of those starry beady   eyed new brides were about to undertake a journey into a worldly Jahannum.   But, Insha-Allah, being careful of a few things I hope that our marriage will   not head the same way as some of my friends.

1) Adultery: The new bride had   hardly settled down, and the husband started his Zina campaign. O yes, he   tried hard to cover his tracks. Working till late at night. Important   business trip. Strange behaviour such as hiding his cell-phone. Eventually,   like many others, he tripped over his own lies. First it was “Qassam it is   nothing, You are imagining things.” The poor bride really thought that she   was sort of bonkers, until she managed to lay her hands on the cell phone and   all the Zina messages came tumbling out. Of course yes, he was as mad as   hell: one moment threatening violence, and then suddenly pleading for just   one more chance. Simple as she was, she accepted him and cried with him.   Perhaps it was her fault after all. Perhaps she was not trying hard enough to   please him. But she understood that old habits die hard, especially when one   has no Fear that Allah is Watching, of angels recording clandestine meetings,   and of accountability on the Day of Qiyamah. And thus she spends much of her   time in terror at the thought of her husband philandering around. Thankfully,   for every moment of such terror Allah Ta’aala will impose upon him the   terrors of Jahannum in the Aakhirah where a day of condemnation to Jahannum   will equal fifty thousand years of this world.

2) In-Laws: This is the second   issue, the fear of which grips my heart. Like many of my sisters, I, indeed   acknowledge all the favours which parents favoured their sons with. Be rest   assured, we have no intention of stealing you away from your parents. In   fact, we enter into our new homes with hearts full of warmth and kindness for   those who raised our husbands and chose or approved of us being their wives.   Observe how we readily and happily address them as “Mummy” and “Daddy”. We   crave their approval and cherish their praises. We offer our services and are   willing to sacrifice in order to please them. We cook, bake, sow and   entertain with relish.

Sadly, after a little while, our   favours are considered to be life-long contracts. The maid can take a day off,   but, we are expected to be at the beck and call of “Mummy”. To rub salt into   the wounds, “Mummy’s” married daughters will barge into the house, empty the   Tupperwares of freshly baked biscuits, raid the fridge, fill some curry for   the children who will be hungry when they return from school. In fact,   “mummy” encourages them to go for a “nice holiday” and to “just leave the   children by her.” Such magnanimity! Such love! Such a wonderful mother!

The only problem is that “Mummy”   was expecting us to do the looking after; Thus, we have to feed, brush the   teeth, dress the children, be stressed out with their fights – whilst their   parents are relaxing on some beach.

Sometimes, the intrusion in our   married lives border insanity. We carry our unborn offspring with great   difficulty for nine months in our bellies, we are the ones who gamble with   death and give birth with great difficulty; yet “Mummy” insists she wants to   name the baby and choose how we should raise our children!

Dare we complain and we are   belittled and abused.

Of course, my husband, I will need   your support at such a time. I trust that you are unlike those men who   reserve their kindness for friends and keep their roars for their oppressed   wives. The above are just two of many issues which are causing bitterness and   heartbreak resulting in a shattered marriage. Whilst I conclude with a Du’aa   in my heart that ours will be a marriage free from the above perils, I hope   that you will never ever betray my trust

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